Wednesday, 10 January 2018


Definition from Urban Dictionary: Friendlationship(n) is a combination of the words 'friends' and 'relationship', used to describe a somewhat-platonic relationship that contains all the aspects of an actual romantic relationship, without any physical/sexual benefits. Basically, all the sacrifice but none of the gain. Often occurs when both people involved harbour some desire for the other, but neither is willing to take a chance and potentially ruin their friendship.

Throughout my shocking dating and 'relationship' history, I seem to stumble upon this situation a lot, particularly with the last person I was really close with. 

When I socialise with males, a lot of the time, I get the general comments from people:
'Are you dating? Is he your boyfriend? How long have you been together? Wait, you're not going out? You spend a lot of time together! Why haven't you made a move yet? Why hasn't he made the move yet? What are you waiting for? You clearly like each other!'

Frustrating isn't it? I mean for starters, the majority of my male friends are gay so it seems ridiculous. Also, if only people realised how hard relationships are for someone like me, riddled with social anxiety from a young age, struggling with depression and of course identifying as a biromantic asexual, meaning I am a minority in terms of the LGBTQ+ community. This post I found today describes the struggles I deal with my sexuality perfectly:

We grow up in a world that still seems to portray a black and white outlook on life, for example, you're either in a relationship or not, you're either gay or straight, you either love something or hate something. Then you realise that life is not like that. Relationships are about two people being together so it's not as easy as it looks. It amazes me that people can move on and pass from person to person so quickly. 

When I first fell for this person, I was scared to open up to him but when I did, we ended up having this friendlationship that lasted for way too long. I ended up talking on the phone to him for over an hour, inviting him out to dinner just the two of us, we had many outings (visiting his hometown, going to see a theatre show), he was my plus one at a ball, I met his family and stayed over at his house (I was in the guest room by the way). Nothing sexual happened, I never kissed him, even though it was all I wanted to do for the longest time but I told him I loved him and felt a strong spark. There was a period in my life where I thought I couldn't live without him and didn't date anyone else during this friendlationship because I believed it could grow into something more. It never did. 

I take pride on being a friendly individual to friends, family, colleagues, even complete strangers I work with. So of course I am proud and privileged of the friendships I have and how I (somehow) make people laugh. But at the end of the day I am just like every other human being, everyone wants to be loved. So to not be 100% appreciated for who you are, does dent your confidence and trust in others. 

You often hear 'There's plenty of other fish in the sea.' but most of the time that metaphor does not help after a difficult situation like a friendlationship. Because you were so close, yet so far to reach that final goal. All of the energy and time you gave that individual has basically been wasted. It also affects the surrounding people who know both you and the person you saw. 

I hope through this post that I have highlighted that it is ok for you to go through a complicated relationship like that and come out the other side. I hope you can see that the world isn't as black and white as people portray it but filled with colour and wonder.
So it's ok to realise that you can be in a situation that isn't necessarily concrete. It's ok to feel confused, scared and unsure, its human nature. 

Realise how important you are and that you deserve a full life, if that friendlationship is doing nothing but tearing you down, GET OUT. 
You don't exactly have to fall out or lose this friend completely, I am still friends with the person I was close with, just try to get past all the complicated thoughts and feelings that can weigh you down, don't contact them as much and try to look out for yourself. 
If you are going through a difficult situation, my heart is with you during this time because I know how much it can suck.