Friday, 28 October 2016

The Hallowe'en Scrooge... Bah Humbug!

So… I hate Hallowe’en. Yep. I am pretty much Scrooge when it comes to October 31st. Probably weird to those who know me to accept, seeing as they know my favourite season is Autumn/Winter. I love cinnamon, maple syrup, chocolate, sweets. I love the orange and brown leaves on the ground and the cool crisp air. Alternate themed stuff, I also love. Thriller, Monster Mash, Disturbia, Ghostbusters, all of those are absolute tunes. I like films like Nightmare Before Christmas & Rocky Horror Picture Show. Plus I think Bonfire Night & Christmas are the best days of the year. So why not Hallowe’en? Here are a couple of reasons why this holiday just doesn’t do it for me.

1. Scared of scary things – Yes, I am a complete wuss. Jump scares are by far the one thing I detest the most in this world. I will do anything to get out of a jump scare situation. So any kind of pranks, scary costumes, I just can’t do it. So it also means that horror movies are an absolute no-no. Supernatural or sci-fi I can almost handle, but if it’s a story that can happen in real life, that really screws me up and can give me nightmares for days… Also that Scare Mask from the Scary Movies, since I was 7 that mask alone has been one of my phobias. Especially the bleeding ones, why do they exist?!

2. Is Trick or Treating still a thing? – I'm all for sweets & chocolate, I did the occasional trick & treating when I was younger, once dressed up as Britney Spears (yep, it's as embarrassing as it sounds). But in general, it sucked. If you stay at home, you see your parents buy the sweets, hang up the Hallowe’en decorations. Then no-one turns up at the door. No wonder with this killer clown trend that’s happening right now. SOME PEOPLE HAVE A FEAR OF CLOWNS, WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS FUNNY?! Ok, crazy rage mode over (hahahahahaha....). Also, children visiting strangers houses to get sweets, that always seemed a little suspicious to me. I mean, in my home town, a small town in the middle of nowhere, that’s fair enough as everyone knows everyone (who to avoid). But in the city, that’s just scary full stop. I work in childcare & education, not one child has told me they’re going trick or treating. So what do they do for Hallowe’en? School Hallowe’en Disco, then that’s it. Wow, worth it. Suppose if they're happy then that's all that matters. 

3.  Dressing up is the worst – Now I’m going to sound like an absolute saddo (no more than usual) but I HATE dressing up. I’m sorry, I know, I suck as a human being. It’s the disappointment after going through all that effort that took you all day, you wasted all of your money and your costume still looks lame as hell. I can’t be bothered with designing the outfits and trying to act like a different character. I’m boring enough as it is without trying to act boring. Also, when you see a good looking girl wearing another slutty nurse or PlayBoy bunny outfit, it bodes well on your self-esteem. That and ‘couple planned outfits’. Get a room, seriously. During university, if there was anything that involved dressing up, that feeling of dread just put me right off the actual event. Even band rehearsals have a Hallowe’en dress up practice each year and that just gets on my nerves. Because it always has to be a competition, especially with music students. I just want to play my saxophone for 4 hours then leave. I don’t care, I’m sorry.

4.  Another excuse for students to get drunk – Dress up pub crawls. That is literally torture for me. During university, when it was Hallowe’en, there were so many parties and nights out where I just didn’t feel comfortable whatsoever. It’s that awkward stage where they’re not children anymore so they can’t go ‘trick or treating’ or go to school Hallowe’en discos. But they’re not exactly adults either so they don’t have the same responsibilities and can spend all of their money on alcohol. Now that I’m tee-total, I realised how much I enjoy quality time with friends, dinners out. I don’t know what a night club is anymore. I remember walking home from a friend’s flat one year, a show at the theatre the previous year and seeing all the students walk the opposite direction in outfits, drunk out of their mind, screaming and acting like idiots. I mean… really?! People annoy me.

5.  Another excuse for shops to make money – ‘Seeing as it’s Hallowe’en, I’m going to waste money on a pumpkin, pull it’s guts out, make a face, light a candle in it then leave it to rot.’ Some pumpkins cost over £5. That’s a meal! Or at least you can just spend it on a lot of chocolate and eat it, then you would instantly be happier. The Hallowe’en decorations in the house just don’t make sense to me. Why would you want to cover your living room with spiders webs?! Hallowe’en themed products that replace traditional items. I really want a Mini Roll with some green gloop inside, thanks… Also Screme Eggs? How original, well done Cadbury. It’s pretty much like Valentine’s Day, where it’s become a holiday for no other reason than for shops and business to make lots of dollar, dollar bills.  

So yeah, I'm a grump when it comes to Hallowe'en and I can't wait for it to be over, so we can move on to fireworks, turkey & presents. Who knows, if I ever have a family in the future, I'll celebrate Hallowe'en properly but for now, I'm perfectly happy staying at home in my Sulley pyjamas with chocolate I bought for myself. 

I like to think of the Autumn/Winter season almost like a sandwich. Hallowe'en is the first layer of bread, it's pointless really as its usually the non buttered dry side but people still use it otherwise it would not be called a sandwich. Bonfire Night is the tomato ketchup, a sweet tasty extra bonus to the winter celebrations. Christmas is by far the sausage & bacon, whatever tickles your fancy. It's definitely the best part of the sandwich, the reason why you order it in a cafe or make it for morning breakfast. New Year is the bottom bread, you first think it tastes nice as it's the bread with the melted butter. But sometimes with hot fillings, it gets warm and soggy and falls apart which is depressing. That's New Year and January in a nutshell to me as I'm depressed Christmas is over. 

And with that weird analogy, I'm concluding this random post. Let me know if you're celebrating Hallowe'en or what is your favourite time of the year. Happy holidays. I'm so American, seriously I can't stop eating bacon & maple syrup, it's an awesome combination. <3 HEARTS TO EVERYONE! <3